I know someone who’s fought with depression on an off since they were young. I understood the problem this person had of feeling empty and worthless. We all go thru times in our lives of feeling this way. For most of my friend’s life, his self-worth came from success in school. The primary issue was that, despite his great grades and achievements, he would fall into a deep depression if he failed to live up to his own over exaggerated expectations or — more specifically — the expectations he believed others had for him.
Such as my friend, my self-assurance and happiness, at one time in my life, depended on just one aspect of myself. This isn’t a healthy way to live, nor is it an especially rare issue. Learning to broaden our sense of self and training an inner appreciation for one’s self-worth isn’t easy, but the good news is that it’s possible.
Looking deep inside is key.
This point of changing your perspective has to start with some serious time spent simply taking a look at yourself. What do you notice that is a great quality or what you feel is worthy about yourself? Your career? Your appearance? How smart you are? Your relationships? Is it just one thing or a bunch of things that you have found about yourself that tells you that you should have great self-worth? If something happens in one area (you get a poor grade or lose your job or your face breaks out) do you still acknowledge that you have worth?
Do you feel like the reasons you have self-worth and are worthy of having a great life disproportionately linked to circumstances? Or do you feel that your self-worth comes from within… from your core of being?
So how do you build this sense of balanced self-worth and confidence, founded on a firm appreciation of all the circumstances?
The bad news is that there’s no fast fix, or five-minute solution.
The great news is that finding more self-worth can be attained by becoming more confident, as long as you have the focus and determination to really do it. And what’s even better is that when you do to build your self-confidence and self-worth you will also build success – after all, your confidence will come from true, solid accomplishment. No-one can take this away from you!
Setting and accomplishing goals is a key part of this, and true confidence and a feeling of worth comes from this. Goal setting is the procedure you use to set your targets, and measure your success.
Arrange goals that use your strengths (you will have looked at those earlier), understate your weaknesses, realize your opportunities, and curb the problems you face.
After setting the goal, distinguish the first step in reaching that goal. Make certain it’s a really small step, maybe taking no more than 60 minutes to complete!
At this point, you have to begin managing your mind. Learn to recognize and defeat the negative self-talk which may destroy your confidence and feelings of self-worth.
Make sure to replace any negative statements with positive statements. You can even use affirmations for this if you like.
The last part of getting ready for the journey is to make a clear-cut and definitive promise to yourself that you’re utterly committed to your journey, and that you’ll do all in your power to accomplish it.
When you are traveling this path if you find doubts beginning to surface, write them down and dispute them calmly and rationally. If they fade away under examination, that’s good. All the same if they’re based on genuine areas where you might be lacking some tools, make certain you set supplemental goals to manage these suitably.
Either way, make sure to keep going!
This isn’t always easy especially if you already have a diminished self-worth and was difficult for me even in a time of my life. But those good end results come from recognizing your worth without seeking validation from other people and thinking your worth is tied to external forces. Know deep down that you’re smart, but not just because you got good grades in school for example. Truly know that you are a good friend or a pretty great cook or a first-class employee. Naturally validation and praise is always great — but really know and understand that you can still be secure in your own worth even if you don’t get good feedback.